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Auntie Svetty’s Astrological and Life Advice for Sunday, April 28, 2024

Apr 25 – 8:54 am – Mercury Direct in Aries

Apr 29 – 7:31 am – Venus Enters Taurus

Apr 30 – 11:33 am – Mars Enters Aries

May 1 – 7:27 am – Last Quarter Moon

May 2 – 1:47 pm – Pluto Retrograde

May 6 – 7:48 am – Saturn Semi-Square Pluto

May 7 – 11:22 pm – New Moon in Taurus

Mercury went direct in Aries on April 25th. Everyone is suddenly speaking their minds and sharply! Venus enters Taurus on April 29th. We are now living in a Botticelli painting. I know you like to pretend that you aren’t sure if you believe in Astrology, but I assure you: life is now a Botticelli painting and you are living inside of it. Thank You Venus in Taurus!  

However! It is still possible that within this beautiful painting you will be running to catch your flight, slip on dog shit, hit your head, and wake up with no idea why you missed your flight or why there’s crap all over you. This is because Mars entered Aries on April 30th. Why are you running for the flight anyway? Stop. Smell the roses. Enjoy. Order a cappuccino. After you sip a coffee you can mosey to the terminal and see if there’s a friendly customer service agent willing to rebook your flight. Maybe order an extra cappuccino and take it as a gift?    

In the words of a popular country western song, “I’m in a hurry to get things done. Oh, I rush and rush until life’s no fun. All I really gotta do is live and die, but I’m in a hurry and don’t know why” Speaking of folks who are in no hurry WHATSOEVER.................... the Supreme Court. Are you enjoying the downfall of Donald Trump as much as I am? Is that enjoyment occasionally interrupted by the extreme level of corruption in the Supreme Court? I know, I know. There’s work to be done. We are going to enjoy this Botticelli painting while we can. Eventually, we will stand up. We will walk around the dog shit to our destination. We will calmly, but with firm assertion, take action. Sip your cappuccino first.  

On May 2nd Pluto is going retrograde. You are rethinking the decisions you already made and took action on. Honey, if you aren’t knocked out cold on the airport floor covered in dog-shit, you made the right decisions. Quit being so hard on yourself. The New Moon in Taurus brings the focus to your home. Home can mean the people you love, the food you eat, the comforts you surround yourself in. Taurus is the surface, the bounty. Taurus is all the things that are touched by light. Remember, we are still in that Botticelli painting created by Venus in Taurus. You look absolutely gorgeous in this light! Enjoy. It isn’t going to last forever.  

More good news! There’s every astrological sign that Donald Trump will have a major health event between June 15th and June 20th. Strangely these signs are also evident in the chart of Vladimir Putin. Can astrology really be used to predict the future? I say yes. Sip your cappuccino dear, before it gets cold, your lack of confidence in me is ruining this Botticelli Painting I am trying to live in. Watch out you don’t step in dog poop. I am not driving you to the hospital if you go ass over tea kettle and get yourself covered in it. I have a very delicate olfactory system. You will have to walk. 

Oh, we need to talk about Saturn semi-square to Pluto. Yikes. This is not good. Who ordered this? This is lukewarm skim with Splenda. I hate it. Oh no. That decision you made and were worried about… ugh… turns out you’re totally semi-screwed. Just semi-screwed. Try to enjoy your lukewarm skim with Splenda. You didn’t have all the information you needed and things didn’t turn out exactly like you thought. Oh shoot! Looks like there are consequences that were unanticipated. Well, it’s not like you can go back in a time machine and change the past. Enjoy the Botticelli painting, dear. What’s done is done.  

That’s all I have. I know, it’s a bit cryptic this week, but as you know: life is a Botticelli paining, and sometimes your coffee order comes out wrong. Slow down if you don’t want to step in dog shit. We all have to live with our choices. That means you too. Donald Trump is not healthy enough to make it to the election. Say it with me: Donald Trump is not healthy enough to make it to the election. Tell your friends to say it. Believe it. We are NOT doing that again. Life is a Botticelli painting now. Sit up straight and enjoy your cappuccino. SLOW DOWN. 

Auntie Svetty loves you and can’t write a longer blog because she is meeting with other witches to make sure Trump has a major health event in June. I’m focusing on the front lobe of his brain and squeezing it. Focus with me or get back to the Botticelli painting. There’s work to be done. Stop bothering me and let me focus.   

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