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WHAT'S HAPPENING

Auntie Svetty’s Astrological and Life Advice for Sunday, May 19, 2024



May 20 – 8:59 am Sun enters Gemini

May 23 – 9:53 am Full Moon in Sagittarius

May 23 – 4:30 pm Venus enters Gemini

May 23 – 5:44 pm Jupiter sextile Neptune

May 25 – 7:15 pm Jupiter enters Gemini


As the Sun enters Gemini on May 20th shall we try to face the nation’s divide together by seeing it both ways? The way Gemini can? Is it even possible? Good Morning if you just woke up. Are you awake? Are you woke? A year ago MAGA supporters were running the Biden campaign truck off the road and having boat rallies that ended in sinking their own vessels as they attempted to compete for who had the biggest genitals. We are in our third week of living in a Botticelli painting. How are you enjoying it? Part of the Botticelli painting is enjoying the suffering of our enemies. Trump has a pain in his heart I promise you, and he’s too busy going to trial to make an appointment to see his doctor. The frontal lobe of his brain is deteriorating. Mini-strokes are on their way and have already been occurring. His supporters are tapped out. Republican funds for candidates have been emptied paying the legal fees of a guilty party. There are no protests at Trump’s trials. There are no boat rallies anymore where they show off their mullets and fly their flags. It’s difficult to fly your mullet and your flag for Trump when you are busy making excuses for why VP hopeful Kristi Noem executed her puppy, and for why your presidential hopeful is facing over ninety felony counts in courts,  or for why he was having multiple affairs while his mail order bride from Russia was at home caring for their newborn. Hey, how about that Stormy Daniel’s testimony? Woo-hoo! It’s difficult to fly your mullet and flags off your F-150 for a man without a moral compass. Why sink your boat for that?   


Will the Sun in Gemini allow us to see the other side clearly! I think we already do. Maybe it will help the other side to see themselves! Honest people see that Donald Trump’s behavior gives Americans permission to be the worst versions of themselves they can possibly be. If this sex offending, tax-evading, human diarrhea on legs can be president, then the citizens of this nation can also be sex-offending, tax-evading human diarrhea on legs just like their president. Why worry about the needs of immigrants, minorities, or the climate when you could be sexually assaulting women in department stores and meeting porn stars on the golf course, and in your pajamas in your hotel room? Ah, we see both sides clearly! Do they see themselves? Shrinking support for Donald Trump shows that they do! Thank You Sun in Gemini! We see that the choice for all of us individually, and as a nation, is to either make an attempt to save ourselves and our country, or slip into human sludge. Shall we live by our shared values or let our shadow sides take over? Shall we be the best versions of ourselves or the worst? That’s the choice individually and for our nation. 


I smell shit in this Botticelli painting we are living in! Oh no! It’s my own! Oh Christ! How did this happen? I too have a shadow side! Sometimes when someone is holding me up at the grocery store I want to ram my cart right into the back of their legs and scream at them, but you know what? I don’t. I try to be a kind and good astrologer. I try to use my psychic powers for good. WHO PAINTED THIS SHIT IN MY BOTTICELLI PAINTING!!!! I was promised naked girls and fruit and lush scenery! WHO PAINTED THIS SHIT I AM SITTING IN???? If you are as full of putrid hate for the other side as I am it is a good time to take stock of what that hate is doing to your own heart and mind. I am still deeply wounded by relatives who followed the orange menace over the cliff. I am disgusted by how easily they supported a demagogue hell bent on taking my rights away and painting me the demon to their conservative values. Am I going to call up my hillbilly cousins, aunts, and uncles and see if they want to make peace?  No, I’m not. It isn’t time yet, but I also don’t plan on mauling them to death with a shopping cart in their sleep even if I fantasize about it. Their movement is dying and they look like fools. I am not ready to make peace, but I am ready to recognize what sitting in this puddle of stinking hate is doing to me personally. How did I get here? How did the nation get here? I know I did not sit down in this poop willingly! SOMEBODY PAINTED ME IN IT!!!!! I blame the media.   


How did the media’s interpretation of reality separate me from people I used to love and them from me? I am going to get out of this pile of shit I’m sitting in and find somewhere else to lounge in this Botticelli painting we have for one more week thanks to Venus in Taurus! If I can’t see anything to help me find forgiveness for the other side, I can at least make a commitment to start seeing what letting the media yank my chain around is doing to me. Is there still REALLY so much to worry about? The MAGA movement is dying. Praise be to the Heavens! Trump’s candidacy is dying. It’s not gone yet, but it’s shrinking. Despite the lack of rallies and flag-flying, the media reports every detail of Trump’s trials and tribulations. We are addicted to hearing about all his vile words and actions. Why? It’s not hard to see that his support is fading away. We are caught in a sickness of following this man snake who has not a single moral fiber in his body. There is sickness in following him whether you love or hate him. I am most definitely sick with my hatred for him and can’t stop fixating on media stories that allow me to watch him suffer. I should be focused on what brings me peace, but instead I fantasize that he is lying on the floor of the condiment aisle. I have already knocked him down. Now  I am ramming the wheels of my shopping cart repeatedly into his neck and face as he cries and begs for my mercy. GET OUT OF MY MOTHER-FUCKING WAY PRESIDENT PIG-SHIT!!! I’M TRYING TO CHOOSE SOME KETCHUP FOR AMERICA!!!!!! I ram him over and over while he’s down, gleefully cackling.  


For a moment there I forgot this an advice column! As the Sun enters Gemini, don’t be like me. Try to find some forgiveness. Try to find some peace. Take whatever steps you can. I am not calling my relatives. They don’t deserve that, but maybe I’ll start seeing them as victims of this disgusting movement that swept our nation instead of perpetrators of it, and I’ll try to find some forgiveness - just a little bit, not very much, but just a little bit: for my benefit, not theirs. I don’t want to sit in this shit any longer. Let’s find a new place in this Botticelli painting that doesn’t smell shall we?   


On Thursday May 23rd there is a full moon in Sagittarius. We are likely to be overwhelmed with ideas and information. Keep your focus on long-term goals. Living in the Botticelli painting is over as Venus leaves Taurus and enters Gemini. I really, REALLY was enjoying that Botticelli painting, even though someone painted me sitting in dog shit, but it is over. So what does Venus in Gemini mean? Now that the Botticelli painting is gone, what do we face next? Venus in Gemini brings new ideas and hopes. Suddenly, you are the life of the party. Yay! Except you aren’t one-hundred percent sure you want to be! Oh no! Your communication skills are on point. At the same time, because Gemini swings both ways, you are inclined to want some personal time to work on your spiritual growth. Can you make quiet time for meditation and still get to the party on time? Can you make new friends but not lose yourself in them? Can you be unabashedly yourself in a way that delights and entertains others, but also make time to nourish your soul with enough time for rest and reflection? That is your new challenge. I believe in you. Do you believe in yourself?    


Jupiter is sextile Neptune on the 23rd as well and entering Gemini on the 25th. Jupiter expands what you are already feeling. Jupiter makes everything coming your way bigger, more abundant. In Gemini, this can be the good and the bad or any two sides of the same issue. It could be less black verses white, but there will be at least two sides to everything. Sextile in astrology indicates compatibility and harmony, so Jupiter being sextile to Neptune is a good thing, especially when matters seem mysterious as matters with Neptune often are. There are at least two mysterious sides to everything right now. Great. Perhaps it is the mystery of how the other side sees things that is going to grow? The Botticelli painting is over and now we have to work on being decent people again. Ugh. Being a good person is exhausting, but beating sex offenders to death with your shopping cart is also a lot of activity and could include jail if you engage in it. Deep breaths. Repeat after me: I don’t need to kill people at the supermarket. I can wait my turn. I don’t need to kill people at the supermarket. I can wait my turn. I don’t need to kill people at the supermarket. I can wait my turn.   


Thank God you read this advice column and its helping you. If you do see the former president buying groceries, he will likely be showing his I.D. for bread. Don’t attack him. Be the bigger person. You already are. You don’t need to kill people at the supermarket. You can wait your turn. Ugh. Giving the world all this astrology advice is exhausting.   


Auntie Svetty loves you.

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